Madame Web is the latest offering in the Marvel movie collection and has been the recipient of an avalanche of negative reviews, which it richly deserves. I should have known better than to waste my time with this cinematic disaster, but I allowed my curiosity to get the better of me.
The culprit in the director’s seat is S.J. Clarkson, who also shares screenwriting credit with Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless, and Claire Parker. Karem Sanga must also share the blame for the story credit. Dakota Johnson is in the lead as Cassie Webb, a dedicated paramedic with mother issues, who suddenly develops ability to see future events. Tahar Rahim plays the not so menacing villain in the shape of Ezekial Sims, who sees his future death at the hands of three young women in superhero tights and becomes obsessed with finding them. Sydney Sweeney, who seems to be the current Hollywood It Girl, plays one of the trio alongside Celeste O’Conner and Isabela Marced. Emma Roberts, Adam Scott, and Mike Epps are also included in this cast.
The film starts off in 1973, which is a pretty good year since that is when I came into this world so I can torture myself with this garbage and complain about it to whoever happens to stumble across this endeavor at some sort of creative writing. Apparently, what also happened in 1973, is that a research team led by Constance Webb, who is quite pregnant with our supposed heroine, is on the hunt for a rare spider in the jungles of Peru. She is betrayed and injured by her partner. A legendary tribe with some rather familiar spider-like abilities attempts to save her life but her only able to save the child. The child grows up to be Cassie Webb, paramedic extraordinaire, who starts having jarring visions that predict the future, however she realizes that if she acts quickly enough, she can indeed change the outcome of these events. She encounters the three young women who are unknowingly being hunted by the former expedition partner of her mother’s because he is really rich, powerful, and ridiculously evil and is compelled to protect them from forces that she can’t understand with abilities that she has yet to master.
The script throws in some loose ties to the Spider-Man canon because Cassie’s paramedic partner is none other Ben Parker, the uncle to who would become Spider-Man. Uncle Ben, played by Adam Scott, and his wife will end up raising their nephew, Peter Parker, who gets bitten by the radioactive spider and develops the powers which everyone knows. Madame Web has nowhere the name recognition in the comic book canon. This background already feels like it was just thrown in a too obvious attempt to give this addition some kind of credibility. I am not sure that Ben Parker’s profession was actually ever mentioned in the original canon since it was his death that was part of Spider-Man’s origin story.
Anyway, almost nothing about this latest entry into the MCU works. The special effects are fine, but Madame Web’s powers are not conveyed all that interestingly. Johnson barely seems interested in the role, and I have heard that her enthusiasm is not all that evident on the talk show circuit. It’s hard to blame her if that is actually true. I wasn’t all that intrigued by the motivations or behavior of the supervillain. Tahir Rahim is a handsome guy and probably has some talent, but this film does little to showcase that.
There were times where the chemistry between the three girls was almost entertaining, but the dialogue was just too absurd for them to have any consistent success at being charming or amusing. Although there are moments where I could see glimmerings of acting talent in much of the cast, it was not enough to pierce the pile of cinematic muck that was presented on the screen.
The reviews and box office numbers are horrendous, and occasionally I like films better than the reputation suggests. Sadly, this is not one of those occasions, and this film ultimately earns the almost legendary amount of bad press that is being heaped upon it. I won’t necessarily blame the cast for their performances, but I question the judgment of their agents for thinking this project would enhance their careers all that much.
Marvel movies have been taking some critical hits lately, and this latest effort may actually be the stake through the heart.
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